watch your mouth

Just writing this really quick before I forget this conversation with Jake.  The other day, while Jake was typing up what we call, "a brain dump" we started chatting.  He very pointedly asked me to change some language I use.
Since I am constantly watching every word I use already, I admittedly was surprised and slightly exasperated.  
     He started, "When I'm upset and having a meltdown where I may be physically dangerous, throwing my body, jumping and running around, don't tell me to stop because that will make me worse." 
     "What do you want me to say when I see you so upset and maybe dangerous?"
     "I want you to tell me to go take a break, in a nice voice." 
     "What's the difference between saying 'stop' and 'let's go take a break'?"
     "When you say stop it makes me think I did something wrong." 
There is so much fear during the teenage years that every word, even the tone of every word matters.  The look on your face matters.  How you hold your head matters. Where your arms are, matters. Protecting your teenager's self esteem is critical, every teen, every minute, especially those with multiple disabling challenges like Jakey.