Oh the Holidays (4)
Holiday Irony According to Jake
11/28/15
As the holidays roll around, days become time to fill Jake's expected holiday requirements. Not gift requirements solely, but decor, schedule and food expectations too.
Here are a few ironies I uncovered in the last fews days talking with Jake and going through prep work heading towards Christmas. Really look at what he's saying, even if he doesn't use the best words. It's still about new things in the house, control and unexpected things, events and visitors.
-- Wrapping paper with Santas on it is "baby".
-- Even if you have a 10' ceiling, it will take an hour to convince your Super Hero that a 12' tree will not fit inside.
-- Regardless of size, your tree must make a perfect triangle.
-- The scent of a tree can make or break a sale.
-- The scent of a tree can also fill a room, and check off a new sensory/stimulation box.
-- A manger scene is MUST! But baby Jesus has to be in it from the set up. Don't hide him until Christmas eve and then have him magically appear.
-- Jake loves being part of the excitement but away from the crowd.
-- Christmas carolers (unexpected guests) are a mind blow.
-- He picks out is own gifts but wants them wrapped and under the tree, and will wait for Christmas to have them. (this is a new thing and not typical ASD).
-- He can handle one "surprise" gift from Santa.
-- Things wrapped under the tree cannot be "squishy" or "soft". They must be in cardboard squares, under the tree.
-- Gold and silver ornaments look "fancy" and "what an Ambassador should have."
-- Lights on the tree must look "swirly and spinny". Going around and around and around.
-- The angel or star atop the tree must be lighted.
-- The tree skirt must have no wrinkles or "bumps".
-- Stockings should be hung on the fireplace, but not necessarily filled.
-- Surprises are ok, "If I know what they are!"
-- "If I buy daddy a present, do I get a present too?"
-- Let's do lots of church.
-- What are we going to eat? I want to know early.
-- "Mommy do the swirly lights, I'll do ornaments and use the ladder tomorrow!"
-- One ornament on the tree must play music. If you don't have one, buy one.
-- Lights have to go all the way to the tip-top.
-- The tree must have candy canes.
-- "Can all presents be squares?"
-- Does Sammy get presents?
-- "I kinda want lots of things, but Santa is not rich."
-- Wrapping paper must match with bows.
The best and worst part of all of this is, Jake still awaits Santa's arrival and will sit ON his lap.
If anyone tells him otherwise, you gotta answer to me and Chris!
P.S. this is just so far, I'm sure I'll have more to add in the coming days.....
.... to be continued.
11/28/15
As the holidays roll around, days become time to fill Jake's expected holiday requirements. Not gift requirements solely, but decor, schedule and food expectations too.
Here are a few ironies I uncovered in the last fews days talking with Jake and going through prep work heading towards Christmas. Really look at what he's saying, even if he doesn't use the best words. It's still about new things in the house, control and unexpected things, events and visitors.
-- Wrapping paper with Santas on it is "baby".
-- Even if you have a 10' ceiling, it will take an hour to convince your Super Hero that a 12' tree will not fit inside.
-- Regardless of size, your tree must make a perfect triangle.
-- The scent of a tree can make or break a sale.
-- The scent of a tree can also fill a room, and check off a new sensory/stimulation box.
-- A manger scene is MUST! But baby Jesus has to be in it from the set up. Don't hide him until Christmas eve and then have him magically appear.
-- Jake loves being part of the excitement but away from the crowd.
-- Christmas carolers (unexpected guests) are a mind blow.
-- He picks out is own gifts but wants them wrapped and under the tree, and will wait for Christmas to have them. (this is a new thing and not typical ASD).
-- He can handle one "surprise" gift from Santa.
-- Things wrapped under the tree cannot be "squishy" or "soft". They must be in cardboard squares, under the tree.
-- Gold and silver ornaments look "fancy" and "what an Ambassador should have."
-- Lights on the tree must look "swirly and spinny". Going around and around and around.
-- The angel or star atop the tree must be lighted.
-- The tree skirt must have no wrinkles or "bumps".
-- Stockings should be hung on the fireplace, but not necessarily filled.
-- Surprises are ok, "If I know what they are!"
-- "If I buy daddy a present, do I get a present too?"
-- Let's do lots of church.
-- What are we going to eat? I want to know early.
-- "Mommy do the swirly lights, I'll do ornaments and use the ladder tomorrow!"
-- One ornament on the tree must play music. If you don't have one, buy one.
-- Lights have to go all the way to the tip-top.
-- The tree must have candy canes.
-- "Can all presents be squares?"
-- Does Sammy get presents?
-- "I kinda want lots of things, but Santa is not rich."
-- Wrapping paper must match with bows.
The best and worst part of all of this is, Jake still awaits Santa's arrival and will sit ON his lap.
If anyone tells him otherwise, you gotta answer to me and Chris!
P.S. this is just so far, I'm sure I'll have more to add in the coming days.....
.... to be continued.
Where the Angels Come…
5/24/14
So as with every holiday, aka extra days off school, we are forced to plan literally every minute of the day. We need to keep Jake moving, interested and busy as to avoid the Minetrap trap and Ipod abyss! He needs to know the plan ahead of time and needs to be okay with it.
This three day weekend sort of snuck up on me and I had no idea that Jake had a surprise in store for me. (I don’t think he knew it either, actually)
This and every Memorial Day I struggle with how to explain this somber holiday to Jake. He has no real comprehension of war, guns and killing people and I sort of like it that way. (OK, maybe I’m too overprotective).
We’ve avoided all these topics as he fixates on negative things. We’ve structured our entire lives around positivity, life, love and hope.
So today, we decided late to go for a bike ride. I thought about the quiet little trail around the lake nearby then Jake asked if he could ride to the Monuments?
Well, since we had done it once before, today was as good a day as any, minus a bazillion tourists on one of the busiest days downtown of the year!
We loaded up the bikes and planned to follow the canal train into DC then turn around and come back. There are only about 500,000 people in DC this weekend give or take 50,000 Harleys! What could possibly go wrong?
Well 8 miles in, 42 near heart attacks, 1 collision with a road-racer, 2 near misses with pedestrians, one wipe-out, a couple near-car accidents and getting lost once, we were in the District!
It’s always an adrenalin rush for both of us to ride our bikes past the Lincoln Memorial, Kennedy Center and see the Washington Monument from atop two wheels and below a bike helmet, but this time he wanted more and announced he wanted to go to Virginia!
Well we were at the foot of the bridge over the Potomac, how bad could it be? We had managed to dodge total disaster this far, so we trekked over the water. I was planning to turn around as soon as we reached the other side but he was drawn to the gates of the Arlington National Cemetery. It is quite beautiful and it is also Memorial Day weekend, so onward bound.
As we were driving, I was trying to formulate what I was going to say about the cemetery in my head. How can I make this a positive growing experience when we’re surrounded by thousands upon thousands of gravestones. Some with names, some without.
We got all the way to the gates and stopped for a drink and a selfie for daddy.
I asked him if he knew what holiday it was.
I was nervous about the answer and how it could lead down a path of a million really hard questions. I stayed silent as to not lead him, and my brain started swimming. Why do people have to die? Who would hurt someone like that? What kind of guns do they use? Are they really big?
“Yes, it’s Memorial Day.” The words rolled off his tongue like, duh ma!
“Do you know where we are and how it’s important to Memorial Day?”
“It where the angels come to get the army men and take them to heaven.”
Well then.
5/24/14
So as with every holiday, aka extra days off school, we are forced to plan literally every minute of the day. We need to keep Jake moving, interested and busy as to avoid the Minetrap trap and Ipod abyss! He needs to know the plan ahead of time and needs to be okay with it.
This three day weekend sort of snuck up on me and I had no idea that Jake had a surprise in store for me. (I don’t think he knew it either, actually)
This and every Memorial Day I struggle with how to explain this somber holiday to Jake. He has no real comprehension of war, guns and killing people and I sort of like it that way. (OK, maybe I’m too overprotective).
We’ve avoided all these topics as he fixates on negative things. We’ve structured our entire lives around positivity, life, love and hope.
So today, we decided late to go for a bike ride. I thought about the quiet little trail around the lake nearby then Jake asked if he could ride to the Monuments?
Well, since we had done it once before, today was as good a day as any, minus a bazillion tourists on one of the busiest days downtown of the year!
We loaded up the bikes and planned to follow the canal train into DC then turn around and come back. There are only about 500,000 people in DC this weekend give or take 50,000 Harleys! What could possibly go wrong?
Well 8 miles in, 42 near heart attacks, 1 collision with a road-racer, 2 near misses with pedestrians, one wipe-out, a couple near-car accidents and getting lost once, we were in the District!
It’s always an adrenalin rush for both of us to ride our bikes past the Lincoln Memorial, Kennedy Center and see the Washington Monument from atop two wheels and below a bike helmet, but this time he wanted more and announced he wanted to go to Virginia!
Well we were at the foot of the bridge over the Potomac, how bad could it be? We had managed to dodge total disaster this far, so we trekked over the water. I was planning to turn around as soon as we reached the other side but he was drawn to the gates of the Arlington National Cemetery. It is quite beautiful and it is also Memorial Day weekend, so onward bound.
As we were driving, I was trying to formulate what I was going to say about the cemetery in my head. How can I make this a positive growing experience when we’re surrounded by thousands upon thousands of gravestones. Some with names, some without.
We got all the way to the gates and stopped for a drink and a selfie for daddy.
I asked him if he knew what holiday it was.
I was nervous about the answer and how it could lead down a path of a million really hard questions. I stayed silent as to not lead him, and my brain started swimming. Why do people have to die? Who would hurt someone like that? What kind of guns do they use? Are they really big?
“Yes, it’s Memorial Day.” The words rolled off his tongue like, duh ma!
“Do you know where we are and how it’s important to Memorial Day?”
“It where the angels come to get the army men and take them to heaven.”
Well then.
SSHHhhh It’s Christmas; New Traditions
December 23, 2011
Silent.
Peaceful.
Strange.
If the holiday spirit hides in silence, it’s HERE.
Our plan to slowly work our way through Christmas seems to have worked.
Jake has handled all his holiday gifts in stride. Some of them he likes and some he doesn’t. Either way we practiced saying “Thank You” whether he’s happy or not.
While that’s a major accomplishment, I actually am struggling with how to feel this year. I’m a little sad, seeing all the commercials, specials and holiday cards where huge extended families gather around the fireplace/tree with a truckload of presents knowing that’s just not a Super Heroes’ reality and probably never will be. Can I actually miss something we never had?
Year after year we yearned for that perfect “Christmas card” morning. Run downstairs, rip open a zillion wrapped packages in front of the roaring fire, and year after year it has ended in meltdown! Too many presents, too many people and too much stimulation have led us to this very quiet and peculiar holiday this year.
While many of our friends are travelling to family near and far to exchange gifts and eat huge dinners, and reconnect, it makes me a little jealous almost envious, even though I know that’s not for us. We need one visitor at a time, lots of warnings and no surprises!
Our expectations will change as our Super Hero evolves, but home for the holidays is where we need to stay: in routine, in sync and safe. Maybe someday we’ll dine with dozens; I hold out hope for a huge holiday party, just not now.
I’m a little excited that I’ll actually be able to focus on the reason for the season. We’ll go to church, have a great lunch of steak and cake, see the Capital Christmas tree, then spend the day together, just us three. We’ll drink grasshopper drinks, ride the wagon and chill-ax.
Appreciating the time we have with each other and how exactly our family came to be is Christmas enough. We witness miracles everyday through our Super Hero Jake, those gifts are priceless.
Here’s hoping you can all find the positives and blessings in your holiday even if they’re not where you expect them to be.
December 23, 2011
Silent.
Peaceful.
Strange.
If the holiday spirit hides in silence, it’s HERE.
Our plan to slowly work our way through Christmas seems to have worked.
Jake has handled all his holiday gifts in stride. Some of them he likes and some he doesn’t. Either way we practiced saying “Thank You” whether he’s happy or not.
While that’s a major accomplishment, I actually am struggling with how to feel this year. I’m a little sad, seeing all the commercials, specials and holiday cards where huge extended families gather around the fireplace/tree with a truckload of presents knowing that’s just not a Super Heroes’ reality and probably never will be. Can I actually miss something we never had?
Year after year we yearned for that perfect “Christmas card” morning. Run downstairs, rip open a zillion wrapped packages in front of the roaring fire, and year after year it has ended in meltdown! Too many presents, too many people and too much stimulation have led us to this very quiet and peculiar holiday this year.
While many of our friends are travelling to family near and far to exchange gifts and eat huge dinners, and reconnect, it makes me a little jealous almost envious, even though I know that’s not for us. We need one visitor at a time, lots of warnings and no surprises!
Our expectations will change as our Super Hero evolves, but home for the holidays is where we need to stay: in routine, in sync and safe. Maybe someday we’ll dine with dozens; I hold out hope for a huge holiday party, just not now.
I’m a little excited that I’ll actually be able to focus on the reason for the season. We’ll go to church, have a great lunch of steak and cake, see the Capital Christmas tree, then spend the day together, just us three. We’ll drink grasshopper drinks, ride the wagon and chill-ax.
Appreciating the time we have with each other and how exactly our family came to be is Christmas enough. We witness miracles everyday through our Super Hero Jake, those gifts are priceless.
Here’s hoping you can all find the positives and blessings in your holiday even if they’re not where you expect them to be.
---------------------------------------
Holiday Audible
November 21, 2011
THEY’RE HERE!!!
THE HOLIDAYS. (Boy, they seem earlier every year)
Radio stations are already playing wall-to-wall carols, our favorite Tar-jay store had holiday decorations out before Halloween (thanks, thanks a lot for that), lamp posts throughout town are wrapped like candy canes and excitement is building. Goodness, we haven’t even pulled the disgusting giblets from the turkey yet.
Regardless of your religion or lack of religion, this is a tense time of the year for families on the spectrum. All the changes in routine, no school, visiting friends/family (with gifts) and expectations combine for a horrific holiday. The mystery of wrapped packages in all different shapes and sizes, a giant tree INSIDE the house, and boxes arriving on our porch from across the country and the build-up is all WAY too much for our Super Hero.
Let’s not even talk about the traditional story of Santa Claus sneaking into our house in the middle of the night to eat cookies and leave gifts. Reindeer, sleighs and goodies – OH NO!
Think literally, like a Super Hero for a moment.
Really? Reindeer on our roof? The roof is very steep, how will they stand, much less get up there? Reindeer don’t have wings, nor can they climb our super tall ladder. And why will they be up there again?
[ROCKING THE WHY QUESTIONS THIS YEAR – YYEEESS]
We don’t even have a chimney. How’s Santa supposed to get inside our gas fireplace? Why does he want to go in the fireplace again?
You’re going to leave the back door open for Santa? You don’t leave the back door open for anyone!
How does Santa visit every kids’ house in the world? He was just at the shopping mall yesterday.
Why do we make really cool cookies with tons of sugar and frosting then give them away to Santa?
Really? If I get up in the middle of the night (like every good kid with Autism) Santa won’t bring a present? That’s a crappy deal. Mom’s been waking me up every night to pee.
We’ve tried everything during Jake’s 8 years of life and every year Christmas morning stings with over-stimulation. Gifts have appeared under the tree without wrapping paper. We’ve tried a couple gifts and we’ve tried a lot of gifts: every year – another headache.
So this year, Chris and I have come up with our own Hail Mary effort to save the holiday. We’re going to slide into the holy holiday and take 12 days to do it. Yes, we know the history of the 12 days of Christmas includes the days following the big day, but in our house we’re starting in mid-December, and Kwanzaa's after Christmas now! :)
One gift a day until Christmas. Sort of like our Jewish friends but with a Christian twist. We’ll still eat Jesus’ birthday cake on Christmas morning, blow out birthday candles, go to church with a sugar buzz and celebrate the birth of Christ. Then probably play IPod, go on a walk and “chill-ax” as Jake likes to say.
Chris promises NOTHING GOES WRONG WITH CAKE. Maybe we'll have a happy Christmas miracle afterall.
Feel free to leave any other creative ways you celebrate the holiday without really celebrating!
Holiday Audible
November 21, 2011
THEY’RE HERE!!!
THE HOLIDAYS. (Boy, they seem earlier every year)
Radio stations are already playing wall-to-wall carols, our favorite Tar-jay store had holiday decorations out before Halloween (thanks, thanks a lot for that), lamp posts throughout town are wrapped like candy canes and excitement is building. Goodness, we haven’t even pulled the disgusting giblets from the turkey yet.
Regardless of your religion or lack of religion, this is a tense time of the year for families on the spectrum. All the changes in routine, no school, visiting friends/family (with gifts) and expectations combine for a horrific holiday. The mystery of wrapped packages in all different shapes and sizes, a giant tree INSIDE the house, and boxes arriving on our porch from across the country and the build-up is all WAY too much for our Super Hero.
Let’s not even talk about the traditional story of Santa Claus sneaking into our house in the middle of the night to eat cookies and leave gifts. Reindeer, sleighs and goodies – OH NO!
Think literally, like a Super Hero for a moment.
Really? Reindeer on our roof? The roof is very steep, how will they stand, much less get up there? Reindeer don’t have wings, nor can they climb our super tall ladder. And why will they be up there again?
[ROCKING THE WHY QUESTIONS THIS YEAR – YYEEESS]
We don’t even have a chimney. How’s Santa supposed to get inside our gas fireplace? Why does he want to go in the fireplace again?
You’re going to leave the back door open for Santa? You don’t leave the back door open for anyone!
How does Santa visit every kids’ house in the world? He was just at the shopping mall yesterday.
Why do we make really cool cookies with tons of sugar and frosting then give them away to Santa?
Really? If I get up in the middle of the night (like every good kid with Autism) Santa won’t bring a present? That’s a crappy deal. Mom’s been waking me up every night to pee.
We’ve tried everything during Jake’s 8 years of life and every year Christmas morning stings with over-stimulation. Gifts have appeared under the tree without wrapping paper. We’ve tried a couple gifts and we’ve tried a lot of gifts: every year – another headache.
So this year, Chris and I have come up with our own Hail Mary effort to save the holiday. We’re going to slide into the holy holiday and take 12 days to do it. Yes, we know the history of the 12 days of Christmas includes the days following the big day, but in our house we’re starting in mid-December, and Kwanzaa's after Christmas now! :)
One gift a day until Christmas. Sort of like our Jewish friends but with a Christian twist. We’ll still eat Jesus’ birthday cake on Christmas morning, blow out birthday candles, go to church with a sugar buzz and celebrate the birth of Christ. Then probably play IPod, go on a walk and “chill-ax” as Jake likes to say.
Chris promises NOTHING GOES WRONG WITH CAKE. Maybe we'll have a happy Christmas miracle afterall.
Feel free to leave any other creative ways you celebrate the holiday without really celebrating!
