Q & A with a Super Hero
Make the Holiday “No Big Deal”
This was written this morning, Dec 23, 2012, as Jake’s anxiety was building towards the ‘big day’ of Christmas. He started off the morning stating he doesn’t like when he becomes “JJ”. (a name he’s given himself when he gets out of control and makes not so great choices) Jerky Jake.
“I don’t want to be mean on Thanksgiving and Christmas,” Jake started the conversation over a french toast waffle. “I did it before and that’s why I don’t like Christmas and November and there’s some changes and it makes me want to grump and feel upset.”
Why do happy holidays make you upset?
“Well we have to go to the store and new friends come around all the time and that makes me upset every Christmas." (for the record we haven't has house guests for Christmas in years.)
Don’t you like having friends?
“No.”
Why not?
“Because everything changes.”
Like what?
“Ummmm mommy and daddy changes.”
How do mommy and daddy change?
“Sometimes it hurts me in different ways.They get too close to me and makes me uncomfortable in my house, when there’s a new schedule.”
Are you upset even when mommy helps you?
“No only when mommy DOESN'T help.”
What do you think mommy does differently when it’s holidays?
“She has to do all the dishes and all the cleaning all the time… and not playing… makes me want to get upset and explode out.”
So you would rather have me play and cuddle with you all the time when we’re are on holiday?
“Yes!”
You don’t want me to play with anyone else?
“Yes!”
Even daddy?
“Yes. Including him!”
What about Sammy?
“Yes.”
But when we have friends here, they want to play too.
“But they play different new games and that makes me uncomfortable.”
So describe your perfect holiday.
“My perfect holiday is June.”
Why?
“We go away on vacation and do fun stuff and including that, there’s no big day.”
What else would be ‘perfect’ holiday?
“Presents. No surprises. Big food. No friends. Toys – big exercise toys. Dog. Mommy and Daddy. Uncle Peter and Uncle Sunday Mikey. Turkey. Corn. Fire pits. Sweet potatoes with brown sugar. Ipod. (mini iPad). Lots of breaks. Warm weather. Playgrounds and cousins. Pool. Nice big bed.”
So as you can tell, much of Jake’s miserable holiday has to do with everyone else’s behavior, primarily MINE! My behavior changes because I’m trying to make sure the house is presentable and comfortable for the guests. Of course my attention changes, because we want our guests to feel loved and included when they are visiting. Therefore I don’t have time to pay as much attention to his needs as usual.
So go ahead, come visit and we’ll all ignore each other!
Happy Holidays. Hang on tight!!!
Make the Holiday “No Big Deal”
This was written this morning, Dec 23, 2012, as Jake’s anxiety was building towards the ‘big day’ of Christmas. He started off the morning stating he doesn’t like when he becomes “JJ”. (a name he’s given himself when he gets out of control and makes not so great choices) Jerky Jake.
“I don’t want to be mean on Thanksgiving and Christmas,” Jake started the conversation over a french toast waffle. “I did it before and that’s why I don’t like Christmas and November and there’s some changes and it makes me want to grump and feel upset.”
Why do happy holidays make you upset?
“Well we have to go to the store and new friends come around all the time and that makes me upset every Christmas." (for the record we haven't has house guests for Christmas in years.)
Don’t you like having friends?
“No.”
Why not?
“Because everything changes.”
Like what?
“Ummmm mommy and daddy changes.”
How do mommy and daddy change?
“Sometimes it hurts me in different ways.They get too close to me and makes me uncomfortable in my house, when there’s a new schedule.”
Are you upset even when mommy helps you?
“No only when mommy DOESN'T help.”
What do you think mommy does differently when it’s holidays?
“She has to do all the dishes and all the cleaning all the time… and not playing… makes me want to get upset and explode out.”
So you would rather have me play and cuddle with you all the time when we’re are on holiday?
“Yes!”
You don’t want me to play with anyone else?
“Yes!”
Even daddy?
“Yes. Including him!”
What about Sammy?
“Yes.”
But when we have friends here, they want to play too.
“But they play different new games and that makes me uncomfortable.”
So describe your perfect holiday.
“My perfect holiday is June.”
Why?
“We go away on vacation and do fun stuff and including that, there’s no big day.”
What else would be ‘perfect’ holiday?
“Presents. No surprises. Big food. No friends. Toys – big exercise toys. Dog. Mommy and Daddy. Uncle Peter and Uncle Sunday Mikey. Turkey. Corn. Fire pits. Sweet potatoes with brown sugar. Ipod. (mini iPad). Lots of breaks. Warm weather. Playgrounds and cousins. Pool. Nice big bed.”
So as you can tell, much of Jake’s miserable holiday has to do with everyone else’s behavior, primarily MINE! My behavior changes because I’m trying to make sure the house is presentable and comfortable for the guests. Of course my attention changes, because we want our guests to feel loved and included when they are visiting. Therefore I don’t have time to pay as much attention to his needs as usual.
So go ahead, come visit and we’ll all ignore each other!
Happy Holidays. Hang on tight!!!
