Q & A with a Super Hero: It's Hard to Stay Safe
Two men in blue delivered a message loud and clear to our hyper hero!
Here's the set up. Jake had a great day at school, went shopping (his favorite thing) after school with daddy and grabbed supper. After they came home, Jake was "done" for the day and on his way to put on his sweat pants and relax. In the midst of changing clothes, his cycling attention span went cycling and pretty soon he's in the kitchen in his underwear.
I reminded him that he left his jacket, backpack and other items in the car and was not being very responsible for his things.
I'm still sorta shocked, but he listened to that and ran out the door to unload the car. Once the 20 degrees hit his bare skin, the yelping started! "Help! Help! Help!" up and down the driveway. Once he came back inside, Chris told him, you're lucky no one called police on you for yelling like that in the community.
We all forgot about it mostly and headed upstairs to calm down before bedtime routine. Pretty soon the dog starts barking, I hear our front door knob rustle and Chris looks out the window. I said it sounded like someone was trying to come inside, so he ran downstairs to find two police men shining their flashlights into our windows.
He was greated by two officers responding to several 9-1-1 calls from the neighbors. I asked who all called and they said, "well pretty much everyone!"
I called Jake downstairs to show them that he was perfectly fine and he got a stern talking to! The officers were on the other side of town and actually whizzed here with lights/sirens to find it was Jake acting like a goober! They were not happy, Jake was shaking and I was just in shock.
After Jake's tongue lashing, they left and went to all the neighbors and told them everything was ok. We followed closely behind; Jake apologizing and Chris/I were thanking them.
As much as it scared the crap out of Jake, many things were learned.
1) We have great neighbors!
2) Jake cannot act like a wild animal in public.
3) The police now know where we live and that we have a kid on the spectrum.
4) Jake is a kid we will have to "scare straight".
5) Did I mention our neighbors. I actually feel safer knowing that, as Jake gets older and more impulsive, that if I/he is in trouble they will see it and they will call police.
During dinner, after a day of amazing behavior I might add, I started asking Jake about losing control and the incidents of yesterday. He started telling me that it's "just really hard to stay safe all the time," so I wanted to document it here.
Read the Q/A.
Why is it hard to stay safe?
"Because it’s hard to stay safe because not getting my way, my brain overdrives are high and I can’t control myself to calm down."
What does it feel like in your brain, when you are about to be unsafe?
It says “I’m going to try to be brave, but my body says no!”
So once you do something unsafe… then what does your brain say?
“I’m sorry, oh man. I’m sorry.”
Then if you get yelled at for being unsafe, what does that feel like?
"It makes me feel upset and angry and disgraceful. Because I don’t want to go to jail. I’m very disgraceful about what happened yesterday and I know I shouldn’t have done that."
Are you disgraced that you made a wrong choice, or are you disgraced because the neighbors called police?
"The neighbors called police. I was mad at them too and disgracedfull."
Do you think they should not have been concerned?
"No. I just had to yell like that. It wasn’t a ginormous thing, I wasn’t unsafe. I was just freezing outside. I wanted to be warm and insulated."
Do you think you were cold because you were naked?
"Yes."
((laughing))
Sounds pretty silly, huh?
"Yes. Is my teacher disappointed? A little bit?"
Maybe, more scared.
Let’s go back for a minute. If you did something wrong or unsafe, does mommy and daddy yelling at you make it better? Or worse?
"Worse."
How?
"Because when mom’s upset it makes it worser because it makes me feel very very uncomfortable. The police made me very uncomfortable, very very very worried about it… ok mom. And I’m also scared when I get to school that I’ll get put in resource."
(quick convo about school is school, home is home)
So what can we do next time you feel like you want to make an unsafe choice?
"Take a break or go to your (my) room."
What did you do in your room last night, after you were unsafe?
"I slept very late because I didn’t want to go see the community and environment. I talked to God and thinked about the police pictures in my brain over and over again."
Did you hear anything back? (from God)
Yes. I heard “be tough, be smart and stay calm. Keep yourself respectful and your words are strong and you have to think about the purpose of the words you say. I heard that in my heart.”
Anything else?
"I’m afraid that I don’t want to get arrested and get a felony. I want to be safe and calm and respectful because I want to be a good person to go up to heaven."
Two men in blue delivered a message loud and clear to our hyper hero!
Here's the set up. Jake had a great day at school, went shopping (his favorite thing) after school with daddy and grabbed supper. After they came home, Jake was "done" for the day and on his way to put on his sweat pants and relax. In the midst of changing clothes, his cycling attention span went cycling and pretty soon he's in the kitchen in his underwear.
I reminded him that he left his jacket, backpack and other items in the car and was not being very responsible for his things.
I'm still sorta shocked, but he listened to that and ran out the door to unload the car. Once the 20 degrees hit his bare skin, the yelping started! "Help! Help! Help!" up and down the driveway. Once he came back inside, Chris told him, you're lucky no one called police on you for yelling like that in the community.
We all forgot about it mostly and headed upstairs to calm down before bedtime routine. Pretty soon the dog starts barking, I hear our front door knob rustle and Chris looks out the window. I said it sounded like someone was trying to come inside, so he ran downstairs to find two police men shining their flashlights into our windows.
He was greated by two officers responding to several 9-1-1 calls from the neighbors. I asked who all called and they said, "well pretty much everyone!"
I called Jake downstairs to show them that he was perfectly fine and he got a stern talking to! The officers were on the other side of town and actually whizzed here with lights/sirens to find it was Jake acting like a goober! They were not happy, Jake was shaking and I was just in shock.
After Jake's tongue lashing, they left and went to all the neighbors and told them everything was ok. We followed closely behind; Jake apologizing and Chris/I were thanking them.
As much as it scared the crap out of Jake, many things were learned.
1) We have great neighbors!
2) Jake cannot act like a wild animal in public.
3) The police now know where we live and that we have a kid on the spectrum.
4) Jake is a kid we will have to "scare straight".
5) Did I mention our neighbors. I actually feel safer knowing that, as Jake gets older and more impulsive, that if I/he is in trouble they will see it and they will call police.
During dinner, after a day of amazing behavior I might add, I started asking Jake about losing control and the incidents of yesterday. He started telling me that it's "just really hard to stay safe all the time," so I wanted to document it here.
Read the Q/A.
Why is it hard to stay safe?
"Because it’s hard to stay safe because not getting my way, my brain overdrives are high and I can’t control myself to calm down."
What does it feel like in your brain, when you are about to be unsafe?
It says “I’m going to try to be brave, but my body says no!”
So once you do something unsafe… then what does your brain say?
“I’m sorry, oh man. I’m sorry.”
Then if you get yelled at for being unsafe, what does that feel like?
"It makes me feel upset and angry and disgraceful. Because I don’t want to go to jail. I’m very disgraceful about what happened yesterday and I know I shouldn’t have done that."
Are you disgraced that you made a wrong choice, or are you disgraced because the neighbors called police?
"The neighbors called police. I was mad at them too and disgracedfull."
Do you think they should not have been concerned?
"No. I just had to yell like that. It wasn’t a ginormous thing, I wasn’t unsafe. I was just freezing outside. I wanted to be warm and insulated."
Do you think you were cold because you were naked?
"Yes."
((laughing))
Sounds pretty silly, huh?
"Yes. Is my teacher disappointed? A little bit?"
Maybe, more scared.
Let’s go back for a minute. If you did something wrong or unsafe, does mommy and daddy yelling at you make it better? Or worse?
"Worse."
How?
"Because when mom’s upset it makes it worser because it makes me feel very very uncomfortable. The police made me very uncomfortable, very very very worried about it… ok mom. And I’m also scared when I get to school that I’ll get put in resource."
(quick convo about school is school, home is home)
So what can we do next time you feel like you want to make an unsafe choice?
"Take a break or go to your (my) room."
What did you do in your room last night, after you were unsafe?
"I slept very late because I didn’t want to go see the community and environment. I talked to God and thinked about the police pictures in my brain over and over again."
Did you hear anything back? (from God)
Yes. I heard “be tough, be smart and stay calm. Keep yourself respectful and your words are strong and you have to think about the purpose of the words you say. I heard that in my heart.”
Anything else?
"I’m afraid that I don’t want to get arrested and get a felony. I want to be safe and calm and respectful because I want to be a good person to go up to heaven."
