Q & A with a Super Hero:
Table “Scraps”
January 25, 2013
The sensory journey of ASD is one most of us parents expect, but cannot ever totally predict. Is it the sights, the sounds, the tastes, the smells or the space that will set our kiddos off? Many times in our family, it's not just one thing, but a critical combination of them we try to avoid.
Our latest struggle has been at the table. Eating for Jake is no problem as long as there’s complete silence from everyone BUT HIM! He chomps, burps and slurps his drink, but no one else is allowed to even put crunchy food in their mouths, drop a craisin or clang a knife without upsetting “King Jake”.
It’s become such a problem that at home he can barely tolerate both mommy and daddy at the table at the same time, at school he asks to put up ‘blockers’ at the table when eating lunch! So he earns a “lunch-date” with a favorite friend then wants to build a wall around himself so he can’t see his “date”. That makes me laugh, and twists my brain all at the same time.
So the Q and A begins! (verbatim)
Tell me about eating at the table.
I do not like a whole bunch of friends at the table.
Why?
Because people eat differently.
How? Can you explain in words?
They eat gross.
What’s gross? What do you not like about people eating?
Chewing with mouth open. Chewing noises: crunching and slurping and bubbles make me feel uncomfortable. It also makes me want to cry?
Cry? Why?
Because it’s hard to be flexible when you’re (I’m) trying to eat.
So what do you do when you hear or see people eating?
I want put up dividers and blockers at the table.
Do you think that’s polite?
NO. It’s kind of rude.
What else could you do?
Use a calming strategy at your (my) desk. [yes he really said this]
What would that be?
Eating quietly at your (my) desk.
Do you do that?
Yes.
Always?
No. Sometimes.
Do you like being with friends?
No. Just usually daddy and mom. (sometimes that's hard)
So you would rather be alone at the table?
Yes or with mom.
What do I do differently than daddy or your friends?
Because mommy takes good care of me and eats with her mouth closed. I like polite people that use manners and words.
Daddy uses manners and words.
Right!
So mommy and daddy are safe at the table?
Yes.
What do you like about restaurant eating?
I like to eat somewhere away from the babies and kids.
Do you like tables or booths?
Booths.
Why?
Because they are bouncy and soft and I can sit in.
But, in booths you sit really close to other people. Right?
Yeah.
How does that NOT bother you?
I like booths because it’s like family eating snuggle time.
What if the booth has a small table?
It makes me upset and I can’t eat.
So what kind of table do you like?
A big large table.
Do you like sitting next to people or across from people.
Across, but not looking.
So you don’t like friends eating close at your table, but you like to play with friends afterwards?
I do like to play with friends.
What if you’re playing and then take a break for a snack?
Yes. That would be great.
And nothing bothers you?
No.
Tell me the difference between eating at the table with friends and eating snack with friends?
I can’t eat if friends are too close and noisy.
There you have it. The King has spoken.
Now sit down and eat.
Table “Scraps”
January 25, 2013
The sensory journey of ASD is one most of us parents expect, but cannot ever totally predict. Is it the sights, the sounds, the tastes, the smells or the space that will set our kiddos off? Many times in our family, it's not just one thing, but a critical combination of them we try to avoid.
Our latest struggle has been at the table. Eating for Jake is no problem as long as there’s complete silence from everyone BUT HIM! He chomps, burps and slurps his drink, but no one else is allowed to even put crunchy food in their mouths, drop a craisin or clang a knife without upsetting “King Jake”.
It’s become such a problem that at home he can barely tolerate both mommy and daddy at the table at the same time, at school he asks to put up ‘blockers’ at the table when eating lunch! So he earns a “lunch-date” with a favorite friend then wants to build a wall around himself so he can’t see his “date”. That makes me laugh, and twists my brain all at the same time.
So the Q and A begins! (verbatim)
Tell me about eating at the table.
I do not like a whole bunch of friends at the table.
Why?
Because people eat differently.
How? Can you explain in words?
They eat gross.
What’s gross? What do you not like about people eating?
Chewing with mouth open. Chewing noises: crunching and slurping and bubbles make me feel uncomfortable. It also makes me want to cry?
Cry? Why?
Because it’s hard to be flexible when you’re (I’m) trying to eat.
So what do you do when you hear or see people eating?
I want put up dividers and blockers at the table.
Do you think that’s polite?
NO. It’s kind of rude.
What else could you do?
Use a calming strategy at your (my) desk. [yes he really said this]
What would that be?
Eating quietly at your (my) desk.
Do you do that?
Yes.
Always?
No. Sometimes.
Do you like being with friends?
No. Just usually daddy and mom. (sometimes that's hard)
So you would rather be alone at the table?
Yes or with mom.
What do I do differently than daddy or your friends?
Because mommy takes good care of me and eats with her mouth closed. I like polite people that use manners and words.
Daddy uses manners and words.
Right!
So mommy and daddy are safe at the table?
Yes.
What do you like about restaurant eating?
I like to eat somewhere away from the babies and kids.
Do you like tables or booths?
Booths.
Why?
Because they are bouncy and soft and I can sit in.
But, in booths you sit really close to other people. Right?
Yeah.
How does that NOT bother you?
I like booths because it’s like family eating snuggle time.
What if the booth has a small table?
It makes me upset and I can’t eat.
So what kind of table do you like?
A big large table.
Do you like sitting next to people or across from people.
Across, but not looking.
So you don’t like friends eating close at your table, but you like to play with friends afterwards?
I do like to play with friends.
What if you’re playing and then take a break for a snack?
Yes. That would be great.
And nothing bothers you?
No.
Tell me the difference between eating at the table with friends and eating snack with friends?
I can’t eat if friends are too close and noisy.
There you have it. The King has spoken.
Now sit down and eat.
