Q & A with a Super Hero:
Controlling the Clean
7/15/14
This question and answer session was born out of a newly discovered near-obsession. Recently, Jake has taken to making every bed in the house, cleaning all rooms and having to have a perfectly clean area before going to sleep.
Nothing can be on the floor or he can't fall asleep. All blankets must be perfectly square on the bed and nightlights must be casting the exact exact same shadow on his ceiling. If I move something on my way out of the room, he will get out of his perfectly-tucked-in bed to move it back. Even if bedtime-books-tuck-in took 30 minutes!
This afternoon, I told him he could have some free time after he made his bed. He's been getting to bed an hour late because he spends so much time perfecting his bed, before getting into it! Well to my surprise, he never touched his iPhone, iPad or computer. He marched right up the stairs to start cleaning. He washed his garbage can, moved the messy clothes hamper, dusted every shelf in his room and rearranged a bazillion nick-knacks that adorn every corner. He even made a new strategy bin to include his weighted teddy bear!
IT TOOK HIM TWO HOURS!
I took a nap, then we talked over a pizza.
Sidenote: I know this is a pretty stereo-typical-autistic-like-behavior, but I was curious about the "why". We've lined things up since day one and continue to if given the chance. I always thought it was the need for visual order, but Jake tries to explain it as something different here.
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Jake buddy, let’s talk about cleaning.
I’m going to tell you why we need to clean. So according to Jake,(yes speaking in 1st person) for cleaning expectations. We need to do things about the systems and stuff like that.
What’s a clean system?
Means you want to clean and you don’t want to get dust all around the area and get dust in there to blow a fuse. You (I) want to clean your (my) room to make it safe. So making your (my) bed, changing the stuff around makes me feel good.
How?
I like to be organized.
What does it feel like if you’re room is not organized?
It would be bad.
Why? Or How? How is it bad if clothes are on the floor.
We need to pick it up so I don’t get nightmares. And if you (I) don’t change the lights or lanterns you (I) need to follow safety tips. Make the cords safe. I want to do it all by myself independently and be mature. Take two hours, instead of 20 minutes to make your bed, cuz that’s mature.
Ok… can you sleep in your bed if the blankets are messy?
I cannot.
Why is that?
It’s not cool and it’s my rule.
How does it make your body feel if the bed is messy?
If the bed is messy it would feel comfortable and randomly. Everything would be messed up and not really good.
Is a messy bed enough to keep you awake at night?
Yes.
Why? Is it a thing about how the sheets feel on your body or is it about how it looks?
How it looks and how it feels. It’s a rule… from my school. If you don’t keep it clean you can get in trouble with the norm. So it’s a rule you keep it clean for the norm. (I think norm as in: What's the norm? and he's slightly confused)
Does doing things like everyone else make you happy or sad?
Happy... Doing things like everyone else makes me happy, but if someone tells me to follow a specific direction, it makes you (me) not want to listen.
So you don’t want to be told to keep it clean, you want to do it all independently?
Yes.
So is it a little about control?
Yes and it’s control making me feel safe.
What would you do if I went up in your room and put clothes on the floor right now?
It would be inappropriate, highly inappropriate. It would not be respectful. And I would tell you to just get out. Go throw the clothes on the hallway floor, that’s ok.
So it’s ok when you miss the laundry hamper and the clothes land on my floor, because it’s not your room?
Yes.
Do you care if I get upset?
No.
Do you like mad mommy?
No.
Then you should care if I get upset. Right?
I like it when you are happy a lot but I like you crabby too… but happy happy happy a lot more.
So mom, I put a system, really good reports for my system, once again it would be bad for the computers and you would also, learn a rule from PEPCO that’s a warning, cautionious, dangerous. It’s important that you keep the rooms clean. (I love when he throws around big-wrong words to sound mature)
[I was going to stop here but he insisted on talking more]
What happens if your bathroom is dirty?
The pipes could start leaking and the shower would not work because you never know what can happen if it’s dirty. You would have to call the water company and a big bill.
Does it make you feel uncomfortable if your bathroom is messy?
I get nervous because my bathroom is old… this house has been here 15 years you know.
What’s wrong with your shower?
When you turn it on, the water goes down, and it farts like psssyt, zzzzsshhht, turns on but makes a big fart every time I turn it on.
Does it hurt you?
I get surprised and I don’t like it.
Why can’t I ever help you clean your rooms?
Because mom, I want to have a personal thing, because it’s personnel only… but you can listen through the door.
What if I have a different idea of how you’re cleaning?
Right, if you have a different opinion – I like my opinion that I did. Yours is false.
Do you ever like mommy’s opinion?
No… Yes… sometimes. Except when you tell me to get off the computer and get in my room, because I get really into computer.
So when you are cleaning your room, is that sort of like being “really into it” on the computer?
No. It’s better because I have been doing lots of cleaning and learning at school and I like to practice at home.
Anything else you want to say about cleaning?
Cleaning expectations is once again: do not ask to get someone, do it on your own. Make sure you follow all the safety rules. They are: quietly, no running no jumping, just cleaning. Clean appropriately. Be all straight corners and measure carefully.
Please watch for cleaning updates.
Good night.
P.S. I'm saving a big stack of folded clothes to put away tomorrow buddy! He's so excited. (really)
Controlling the Clean
7/15/14
This question and answer session was born out of a newly discovered near-obsession. Recently, Jake has taken to making every bed in the house, cleaning all rooms and having to have a perfectly clean area before going to sleep.
Nothing can be on the floor or he can't fall asleep. All blankets must be perfectly square on the bed and nightlights must be casting the exact exact same shadow on his ceiling. If I move something on my way out of the room, he will get out of his perfectly-tucked-in bed to move it back. Even if bedtime-books-tuck-in took 30 minutes!
This afternoon, I told him he could have some free time after he made his bed. He's been getting to bed an hour late because he spends so much time perfecting his bed, before getting into it! Well to my surprise, he never touched his iPhone, iPad or computer. He marched right up the stairs to start cleaning. He washed his garbage can, moved the messy clothes hamper, dusted every shelf in his room and rearranged a bazillion nick-knacks that adorn every corner. He even made a new strategy bin to include his weighted teddy bear!
IT TOOK HIM TWO HOURS!
I took a nap, then we talked over a pizza.
Sidenote: I know this is a pretty stereo-typical-autistic-like-behavior, but I was curious about the "why". We've lined things up since day one and continue to if given the chance. I always thought it was the need for visual order, but Jake tries to explain it as something different here.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Jake buddy, let’s talk about cleaning.
I’m going to tell you why we need to clean. So according to Jake,(yes speaking in 1st person) for cleaning expectations. We need to do things about the systems and stuff like that.
What’s a clean system?
Means you want to clean and you don’t want to get dust all around the area and get dust in there to blow a fuse. You (I) want to clean your (my) room to make it safe. So making your (my) bed, changing the stuff around makes me feel good.
How?
I like to be organized.
What does it feel like if you’re room is not organized?
It would be bad.
Why? Or How? How is it bad if clothes are on the floor.
We need to pick it up so I don’t get nightmares. And if you (I) don’t change the lights or lanterns you (I) need to follow safety tips. Make the cords safe. I want to do it all by myself independently and be mature. Take two hours, instead of 20 minutes to make your bed, cuz that’s mature.
Ok… can you sleep in your bed if the blankets are messy?
I cannot.
Why is that?
It’s not cool and it’s my rule.
How does it make your body feel if the bed is messy?
If the bed is messy it would feel comfortable and randomly. Everything would be messed up and not really good.
Is a messy bed enough to keep you awake at night?
Yes.
Why? Is it a thing about how the sheets feel on your body or is it about how it looks?
How it looks and how it feels. It’s a rule… from my school. If you don’t keep it clean you can get in trouble with the norm. So it’s a rule you keep it clean for the norm. (I think norm as in: What's the norm? and he's slightly confused)
Does doing things like everyone else make you happy or sad?
Happy... Doing things like everyone else makes me happy, but if someone tells me to follow a specific direction, it makes you (me) not want to listen.
So you don’t want to be told to keep it clean, you want to do it all independently?
Yes.
So is it a little about control?
Yes and it’s control making me feel safe.
What would you do if I went up in your room and put clothes on the floor right now?
It would be inappropriate, highly inappropriate. It would not be respectful. And I would tell you to just get out. Go throw the clothes on the hallway floor, that’s ok.
So it’s ok when you miss the laundry hamper and the clothes land on my floor, because it’s not your room?
Yes.
Do you care if I get upset?
No.
Do you like mad mommy?
No.
Then you should care if I get upset. Right?
I like it when you are happy a lot but I like you crabby too… but happy happy happy a lot more.
So mom, I put a system, really good reports for my system, once again it would be bad for the computers and you would also, learn a rule from PEPCO that’s a warning, cautionious, dangerous. It’s important that you keep the rooms clean. (I love when he throws around big-wrong words to sound mature)
[I was going to stop here but he insisted on talking more]
What happens if your bathroom is dirty?
The pipes could start leaking and the shower would not work because you never know what can happen if it’s dirty. You would have to call the water company and a big bill.
Does it make you feel uncomfortable if your bathroom is messy?
I get nervous because my bathroom is old… this house has been here 15 years you know.
What’s wrong with your shower?
When you turn it on, the water goes down, and it farts like psssyt, zzzzsshhht, turns on but makes a big fart every time I turn it on.
Does it hurt you?
I get surprised and I don’t like it.
Why can’t I ever help you clean your rooms?
Because mom, I want to have a personal thing, because it’s personnel only… but you can listen through the door.
What if I have a different idea of how you’re cleaning?
Right, if you have a different opinion – I like my opinion that I did. Yours is false.
Do you ever like mommy’s opinion?
No… Yes… sometimes. Except when you tell me to get off the computer and get in my room, because I get really into computer.
So when you are cleaning your room, is that sort of like being “really into it” on the computer?
No. It’s better because I have been doing lots of cleaning and learning at school and I like to practice at home.
Anything else you want to say about cleaning?
Cleaning expectations is once again: do not ask to get someone, do it on your own. Make sure you follow all the safety rules. They are: quietly, no running no jumping, just cleaning. Clean appropriately. Be all straight corners and measure carefully.
Please watch for cleaning updates.
Good night.
P.S. I'm saving a big stack of folded clothes to put away tomorrow buddy! He's so excited. (really)
