Anger, ARGH

I am mad! 

While I try to always write uplifting and encouraging posts, (there's enough negativity surrounding autism) some days I have to get this out of my brain. So your choice, read my purge or not. 

I'm pissed at ASD. This disorder that grips our son's growing body angers me to no end. To see your child wanting desperately to make good choices, make you happy and earn the "attaboys" but is unable to stay focused or seated long enough to actually follow through, is so frustrating and heartbreaking. 

The exact affliction that makes Jake our Super Hero amazing also can be a villain with a mask and no flashy cape. He hides in the dark spots of Jake's brain and loves when his meds wear off. 

To realize his total dependence on "big pills" is saddening. His current attention span is about 3 seconds, I swear.

Last night and this morning Jake was begging me for medicine. He's outgrown his dose and there's no messing with anti-psychotic meds.

"My body feels weird!" 

We've again had the "ambulance talk", the "police car talk" and the "time out" talk for when his levels of stability and safety fluctuate.

So now he's terrified. 

Great. 

I don't like to use the word hate, but when I see my kiddo struggling so much, I can easily say some days I HATE THIS!

Thanks for listening and for your continued support. 

Back to prayer time: strength, patience and healing needed.