Whew... developing a sense of self and "where I came from" is exhausting for any adopted child, but Jake's latest barrage of questions are burning a hole in my heart.
While we have numerous photos of Jake's birth-mother, we have nothing about his birth-father. So every time he asks me, "do I look like my birth-father?" I just say yes and hold my breath, waiting for the impossible follow-up.
Clearly Jake favors his African heritage, more than the English-German half, so I'm not really lying. Part of me is curious from a distance. It has bothered me that we know nothing about him, especially medical history.
Adoption experts have told us these questions would happen, even though I was secretly hoping they wouldn't. He's entitled to know, but how much is appropriate? How much will be perseverative?
I think now that puberty is upon us, Jake is really looking for someone who "looks like him" to relate to. More and more questions bubble to the surface, daily. We are blessed in one regard, that this is all very typical.
Do we reopen that can of worms? We still don't know how to explain the role of the mysterious birth-father to kid who doesn't fully understand so much about the miracle of life!
Hoping for strength and prayers as we embark on and contemplate more very difficult and possibly life-changing questions.
Just quick sensory observation on the way home from dinner tonight.
I've written before about Jake's explanation of why ASD kids cover their ears all the time. He's told me that it helps him think by blocking out some of the stimulation coming into his brain. But doesn't necessarily mean something is loud.
Driving tonight, it was dark which is rare for us to be out, and we saw a police car with this lights on. It had pulled over a car across the street from us, and in the dark those flashing lights do seem brighter.
As we approached, I noticed Jake covering his ears, as if he was afraid the siren was going to sound. I noted the radio was not on loudly. There were no car horns or unexpected noises.
I waited. I didn't want to lead a reaction.
Then he said, "Whoa, those lights are so LOUD!"
I inquired, Loud? or Bright? He answered "loud going into my brain."
Just thought I'd share, ASD brains are fascinating.
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