It is not lost on me that most people on this planet have trouble expressing how they feel. Some are afraid, some are sad, and others just can't find the right words. I count myself in all three of these categories at times, and would think many parents do as well.
Jake, the super sensitive super hero, doesn't fall into any of these categories, and we realize how blessed we are! He is able to give us a play-by-play of what it's like to live with his super fast brain.
Earlier this week, I was really enjoying the fact that he crawled into bed for a quick morning cuddle, and then he spoke.
"Mom, you know I think my Autism is changing." I sat up straignt in the bed and asked why he thought that and to go on more.
He explained, "I need headphones a lot more, other kids are bothering me more and I really can't pay attention. Those things are really hard for me. My Autism is changing."
Not only was i completely stunned, I quickly thanked God for this child.
Then I sat. I just sat. I didn't even really care that he just described me as having "wild lion hair". I was just stunned.
How profound. Once again, God is speaking through our child. As most of my readers know, I fully believe people with challenges were put here to teach us to love more fully and be more patient.
What Jake just told me, how he amazingly articulated his confused feelings, could help so many families struggling with teenagers, Autism or not!
We discussed how the chemicals in his body are changing through puberty. How the human brain doesn't stop growing until mid-thirties. How it's okay to feel a little nervous about these changes and we need to grow now from these new sensations. Imagine what it feels like to be able to "feel" your brain changing?
That's not only Autism... that's also a miracle.
I lie. I admit it. Call it over protection. Call it shielding. Call it self preservation. I have no words to describe the most awful hatred and violence happening around the world. There are no justifications, no purpose, or ways to make it better.
Tears pour down my cheeks while reading or thinking about those victims, refugees, immigrants and others who suffer at the hands of terrorists or other humans all around the world.
Do I have to explain these events to Jake. A child who believes everything will be okay if we just treat others how we want to be treated. A child who perseverates on drama, big emotions and yucky stuff. A child who feels our emotions ten times deeper than your average bear.
Our standard rule of thumb is "garbage in, garbage out"! Does he really need to know that other people join groups that like to end the lives of people just like us? Does he need to live in fear and add to his already paralyzing anxiety?
How do you teach a literal thinker with limited comprehension ability, that some people think they have the right to kill people?
How will it help him to know about hate groups like ISIS or KKK?
He does need to know that there is awfulness in the world, but when's the time? How do you determine the age when he can "handle it"?
I don't want to tell Jake.
I don't think I will.
For now, I will continue to read the paper in private, switch off the news and protect our Super Hero.
I will always be hiding to cry.
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