Now, removing priviliges seems to be working, although I don't like to dangle an iPhone in front of him. I'd rather have him learn and digest the lesson instead of acting out of fear of losing his beloved electronics.
Tonight, at bedtime he was slightly wound up and ended up calling me a bad name. A word we don't use in this house and as soon as it slid past his lips he realized what happened. I reminded him that this was his behavior warning and that we don't talk to people we love in this manner, as it is disrespectful.
He seemed to listen and nodded in agreement then quickly apologized, or should I say recited an empty apology because he knows that's what he's supposed to do. However, it didn't really sink in until I threatened to remove a very special visitor from his schedule tomorrow as well as his iPhone for this restriction. I left his room feeling like the "bitch" he called me and went downstairs.
I was no sooner sitting on the couch and I heard footsteps running down the hallway to my room, where the iPhones/iPads charge every night. Soon my text flashes "RE When you are done come give me a hug right afffter you are done teching flute lessons also I would like to use nice words and have my iPad and iPhone in the morning and afternoon and see Ms. B... love Jake." He then included a picture of himself at a very happy moment from the weekend.
We talked for a second and I told him that we don't speak this way to people we love and respect. To that he replied, "It's so hard to remember all these rules and to stay calm all the time. I'm trying really hard."
Just me having hurt feelings is not enough for him to respond. (autism is the disability of the self)
Threatening his beloved objects will get the most desired behavior.
He's terrified of restriction, like any other teenager.
It's so hard for him to live up to NT and expected social/emotional behavior.
He works so, so hard and his needs and wants are COMPLETELY changing.